How To Not Be So Sensitive
- Brittany Stilwell
- 5 days ago
- 16 min read
Tips for Building Emotional Resilience to Bounce Back from Hard Times
If you've ever felt like you're on high alert at the slightest jab or comment, or perhaps people have repeatedly told you that “you are too sensitive” … Well, you're in the right place.
Welcome to your ultimate guide on how to not be so sensitive! First, we’ll help you assess whether or not it’s really your emotional sensitivity that is the problem. And then, we’ll break down some real-talk strategies for boosting your emotional resilience—with a sprinkle of humor and a whole lot of heart.
Let’s dive into ways to dial down the sensitivity and build up that inner bubble wrap that keeps you safe an helps you bounce back from hard times.
In This Article:
How do I Know If I'm "Too" Sensitive?
Before immediately labeling yourself as “too sensitive”, it’s important to take the time to better understand yourself and the specific situation you are facing.
While it’s fair and important to self-reflect and try to identify if there are aspects within yourself that may be driving this challenge, we also want to be mindful of any valid external factors which may be contributing to you feeling this way.
For example, are you feeling “emotionally sensitive” because you generally feel insecure with yourself? Or are there specific situations or particular people which trigger these insecurities?
To get to the bottom of this, you can ask yourself these questions:
When do you typically have these sensitive feelings? Be specific.
Do you feel this way in other situations or other areas of your life? Or is it exclusive to one person or situation?
Are there particular behaviors or qualities of the person you are with which cause you to feel more insecure than you do in other relationships?
Do you have a negative history or trauma with something specific which may be triggering in the present moment?
Is there something medical going on in your body that you may be unaware of such as a hormonal imbalance, reaction to birth control or another medication, a medical or genetic neurological issue?
Are your “sensitive” feelings related to another mental health or emotional issue, such as being overstimulated due to having ADD/ADHD or being on the autism spectrum?
How do I know if I am being Gaslit or Emotionally Dismissed?
On the other hand… it is also possible (and unfortunately very very common) that someone in your environment is telling you that you are “too sensitive” because they are gaslighting you, deflecting from their own personal problems, or are trying to avoid having a certain conversation or addressing an important issue.
Certain people criticize others as being “too sensitive” because that person doesn’t want to take responsibility for their own actions or their role in the relationship… in other words, they don’t want to do the work to properly show up in the relationship and support you emotionally.
Here are some examples to help you identify if this may be happening to you:
Example #1
You: “You hurt my feelings when you said I was dumb”
Other Person: “That was a joke. Stop being so sensitive.”
>> This is a dismissive and critical response. Joking at someone else's expense isn’t a joke if it causes them emotional harm. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, the person invalidates them and shames you for expressing hurt—undermining trust and emotional safety.
Healthy Response Alternative
Other Person: “I’m really sorry I made you feel that way. I didn’t mean it to be hurtful, but I can see how it came across. I’ll be more careful with my words.”
Example #2
You: “I don’t like that you still communicate with your ex; it makes me uncomfortable.”
Other Person: “You’re just paranoid. I’m not a jealous person and I can’t be with a jealous person”.
>> This is emotionally dismissive and critical. Your partner avoids responsibility by labeling your feelings as “paranoia” and uses shame to shut down the conversation. Instead of exploring your discomfort, they shift blame and make you question the validity of your emotions.
Healthy Response Alternative
Other Person: “Thanks for being honest about how you feel. I didn’t realize it was bothering you that much. Let’s talk about it so we can figure out what feels respectful to both of us.”
Example #3
You: “It hurt my feelings when you canceled our plans last minute without telling me.”Other Person: “You’re overreacting. It wasn’t a big deal.”
>> This is a gaslighting and an emotionally dismissive response. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, the other person is minimizing your experience and attempting to make you doubt your right to feel hurt.
Healthy Response Alternative
Other Person: “I’m really sorry. I should’ve told you sooner. I get why that upset you—it wasn’t fair to leave you hanging.”
Example #4
You: “I feel ignored when you’re always on your phone during dinner.”
Other Person: “Wow, so now I can’t even look at my phone? You’re so controlling.”
>> This is defensiveness and deflection. Rather than taking responsibility or showing care for your feelings, they shift the focus to make you seem unreasonable.
Healthy Response Alternative
Other Person: “I hear you. I didn’t realize it was bothering you that much. I can put it away during meals if that helps us feel more connected.”
Example #5
You: “I felt embarrassed when you made fun of me in front of your friends.”
Other Person: “You’re always so dramatic. Nobody even noticed.”
>> This is invalidating and minimizing. Even if others didn’t notice, your feelings are real. Shrugging it off as “drama” avoids accountability and silences your emotional experience.
Healthy Response Alternative
Other Person: “I’m sorry I embarrassed you. That wasn’t my intention at all. I’ll be more thoughtful about how I joke around in front of others.”
Take some time to self-reflect and identify how much of your emotional response is related to your individual insecurities, history with trauma, something else, AND/OR if you may be interacting with someone who is gaslighting you, being emotionally dismissive, etc.
Pro tip – usually it’s both and you could still benefit from some of your own individual work to reduce emotional sensitivity and improve your self-esteem.
Obviously, this is much much easier done when you have an individual therapist to sort out these complexities. If you are in Texas, we have some excellent therapists we recommend for this.
Click below to view our recommendations or send us an inquiry for a personalized experience and we will match you directly with the best fit!
Book now with a Texas counselor who specializes in overcoming gaslighting and emotional manipulation.
How To Not Be So Sensitive
It's thought that being a highly sensitive person can be a hereditary trait. But there can be other factors at play like your environment and your experiences as a child.
“If you had childhood trauma, you may likely be a highly sensitive person” - Dr. Chivonna Childs
Life has a knack for throwing curveballs that can make even the strongest among us feel like we're made of glass. Luckily, this is a common challenge and it’s very possible to increase your emotional resilience.
Building emotional resilience is like adding bubble wrap to your soul—protective, cushioning, and oddly satisfying. Let's dive into a few common “How-To’s” for emotional sensitivity and tackle them with grace and a dash of humor.
How to overcome being overly sensitive?
Identify what is leading to these sensitive feelings
The very first step is to write down your feelings. Right after you notice that you had a sensitive moment, write down how you feel and what specifically you were bothered by.
Writing it down helps to slow your overwhelmed brain, accurately identify what’s happening, and can also be a super useful tool in tracking patterns of what generally is upsetting to you.
Rule out another person’s emotional manipulation or dismissiveness of your feelings.
Pro Tip: If you’re not sure, we recommend processing with a therapist. You can still choose to work on the items in this blog post and guess what? They will help you in both scenarios
PAUSE before you react
Create a pause before reacting. If you notice you’re “flooded” with emotion, take a second, perhaps remove yourself from the situation, and refer to step #1 (write down what you’re feeling and why)
Practicing mindfulness in your spare time, when you are neutral or happy, will help you organically improve this skill.
Increase your skills in emotional regulation and learn how to better cope with distress
Therapy is honestly the best tool to help you with this because it can get complicated… but essentially the goal is to practice healthy coping skills, self-care, self-compassion, mindfulness, and healthy ways to express emotion. This will increase your overall happiness and satisfaction with your life and yourself, which will assist you in building resiliency to stress.
Limit overthinking & Shift Your thought processes
Apply CBT techniques: Identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts (such as catastrophizing, all or nothing thinking, or overgeneralizing). Ask yourself what is the likelihood that my theory is true and are there other reasons for why this could be happening?
Challenge yourself and ask for feedback from others to gain a more balanced view of situations.
Remember that it’s not all about you & it’s very likely that there are other reasons why the event is occurring and also possible that your thoughts might be amplifying the issue beyond its actual impact.
Practice Self Compassion & Self Care
Don’t be too hard on yourself… try not to say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a friend.
Practice Self-Acceptance & Self-Love and work to improve your self-esteem
Focus is on treating yourself kindly in the moment—consider this a reminder to check in on your emotional needs right after a tough experience.
Be Patient
It takes time to change old habits and to thoroughly process old emotions that you’ve been “sweeping under the rug”. Be kind to yourself, do your best, and just trust the process. As long as you are taking steps toward growth and your goal, then you are already on the “right” path!
Go To Therapy!
there’s no reason to run circles around a tree alone when there are professionals who can help you find direction and be MUCH more efficient in your journey. Meaning you will feel better faster and the skills you learn and perfect will last longer!
How to not take things so personally
Ever feel like every offhand comment is a personal attack? It’s not just you - this is super common!
Outside of cases of emotional manipulation or dismissiveness by another person (as described above), the challenge for people who tend to actually take things too personally is mostly related to the person’s relationship with themselves and their self-esteem.
In fact, it’s estimated that approximately 85% of the population suffers from low self-esteem. Research indicates that individuals with low self-esteem are more prone to taking things personally, often perceiving negative intentions even in times where there are none.
Strategies to “Deflect the Darts”:
1.) Consider Alternative Explanations:
Before spiraling into your defensiveness, ask yourself, "What else could this mean?" “What are the other possibilities for what could be happening in this situation?” It’s possible that your friend didn't wave back because they didn't see you, not because they're plotting your social demise.
2.) Shift Your Self-Talk:
Replace that catastrophizer & nagging inner critic with a kind, supportive coach.
Instead of "They must think I'm incompetent", try "Regardless of what they think, everyone makes mistakes & mistakes are the only way to learn.”
Instead of “They definitely hate me and are embarrassed of me”, remember that we can’t read other people’s minds, so this isn’t a certainty… but even if this was true, say to yourself - “you deserve people who love you for you.”
3.) Personal Journal:
Journaling is a private way to explore your feelings & identity. It’s necessary to process emotions & navigate your journey at your own pace.
Pro-tip: LOCK it for extra security. Password-lock a computer doc or have a combination safe/box where you keep your personal thoughts/items
4.) Go To Therapy:
Find a counseling specialist for Self-Esteem and allow them to help you better identify your personal insecurities and improve your relationship with yourself!
Book now with a Texas counselor specialized in building self-esteem for highly sensitive people.
How to stop overthinking every little thing
If overthinking were an Olympic sport, many of us would be gold medalists. Overthinking is common, especially for Americans who struggle to know how to rest themselves properly.
According to researcher Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, 73% of people aged 25-35 admitted to noticing themselves struggling with overthinking. Studies have shown that rumination can magnify and prolong negative moods, interfering with problem-solving and increasing stress levels.
Pro-Tip: There is a difference between “rumination” and simply tuning into what is bothering you or causing stress. Often people tell themselves to ignore their problems or feelings because they “shouldn’t ruminate” … this is not what we’re talking about here. Do not ignore your thoughts and feelings. Identify them, understand why they are there, and do what you need to do for yourself with that information.
Techniques to Tame the Mental Tangles:
1.) Set Boundaries with Your Brain:
Replace that catastrophizer & nagging inner critic with a kind, supportive coach.
Ask yourself what is the purpose of lingering on a particular thought?
Not Helpful: Are you obsessing about a mistake you made and criticizing yourself to no end? - not helpful.
Helpful: Or are you reflecting on a problem and determining how you might solve it or how you might handle it differently in the future? – very constructive!
If you are stuck in an unproductive thought loop or actually ruminating, then perhaps allocate a specific "worry time" to identify what you’re feeling and why, then when it's over, redirect your focus to your present day and what’s actually happening in the moment. While also practicing self-compassion of course!
2.) Engage in Physical Activity:
Exercise can serve as a healthy redirection to the present moment, producing endorphins, reducing the tendency to overthink, and promoting mental clarity. Go for a walk, hit up the gym, or have a solo dance party in your living room (we know this sounds weird… but we promise it works!)
3.) Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness forces you to be in the present moment with your mind which will cut into the future or past oriented thought loop you’re getting stuck in
4.) Do Something Fun!
Get out of the house if you can, change up your scenery, or do an activity you really enjoy. This will give you a nice little mental reset and can feel refreshing!
How to get over feeling inadequate
We all struggle with feelings of inadequacy sometimes. Insecurities can produce anxiety about your goals, relationships, and ability to handle certain situations.
Boosters for Your Self-Belief:
Challenge Negative Thoughts: When the "I'm not good enough" mantra kicks in, counter it with evidence of your achievements and strengths. If you think “everyone hates you”, take time to note the people who don’t… even if you can only identify your dog or your therapist, any small bit helps!
(Here, focus specifically on reviewing your personal successes and unique qualities as a reminder of your worth.)
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and respect. Remember, perfection is a myth; embracing your imperfections will reduce your insecurity and it’s what makes you authentically you. General rule of thumb… don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a very dear friend or loved one. You can’t break up or divorce yourself so… maybe make an effort to make your mind a friendly and supportive safe place.
Go To Therapy! Seriously… there is no reason to struggle forever with this on your own. Working with a counseling specialist in emotional sensitivity and inadequacy can majorly speed up the process and get you feeling nice and balanced in much less time! Prioritize finding peace for yourself.
Book now with a Texas counselor specialized in emotional sensitivity and self-esteem.
Wrapping It Up with a Bow of Resilience
The key to dealing with any exceptionally challenging emotion, including feeling inadequate, is building emotional resilience.
Building emotional resilience isn't about becoming an unfeeling robot; it's about strengthening your ability to navigate life's ups and downs with confidence and grace.
By not taking things personally, curbing overthinking, and combating feelings of inadequacy, you're not just surviving—you're thriving.
How to Build Emotional Resilience
To understand how to build emotional resilience, you first need to know what it is, why it’s important, and then how to improve this skill!
Whether it's dealing with stress at work, facing a personal loss, or navigating political unrest, we all encounter moments that challenge us in ways we never expected. While we can’t take the pain away, the good news is, we CAN reduce the unnecessary suffering which comes from how we respond and process these experiences.
What is Emotional Resilience?
Emotional resilience is the ability to bounce back after adversity, it’s weathering life's storms without losing yourself in the process. It’s not about avoiding difficult emotions or pretending everything is okay when it’s not. Instead, it’s about developing the strength to get through tough times with more grace, self-compassion, and ultimately, growth.
Resilient people tend to maintain a more optimistic outlook, even in the face of difficult times. They may not avoid stress, but they develop coping mechanisms to help them face it head-on, with minimal impact on their emotional or mental well-being.
Why is Emotional Resilience Important?
Resilience plays a key role in overall mental health and well-being. People with high emotional resilience:
Experience less anxiety and depression: They can effectively manage emotions like fear and sadness, preventing them from becoming overwhelming.
Adapt more easily to change: Life is full of transitions. Resilient individuals find it easier to navigate change without feeling lost or helpless.
Recover quickly from setbacks: Resilient people can pick themselves up after failures or mistakes, using the experience as an opportunity to grow.
Build stronger relationships: By managing their emotions and maintaining a positive outlook, resilient individuals can nurture supportive, fulfilling relationships.
How To Build Emotional Resilience
While some people may seem naturally resilient, emotional resilience can be cultivated over time through intentional practice. Here are seven strategies to help you build your emotional resilience:
Practice Self-Compassion
(yes, self-compassion again… noticing a pattern?)
During tough times, we often turn on ourselves, feeling guilty, frustrated, or angry at our own perceived weaknesses. Instead of harsh self-criticism, remind yourself that it's okay to be imperfect and that you’re doing the best you can, given the circumstances.
Develop a Growth-Oriented Perspective
Having a growth-oriented perspective means believing that life’s setbacks are opportunities to learn and grow rather than reasons for self-blame. Accepting failure as a normal and neutral part of life frees you up to focus on personal development. This shift in perspective allows you to approach life’s difficulties with curiosity rather than fear, increasing your ability to cope with adversity.
Build a Support Network
Emotional resilience is not a solely individual practice. Having a strong network of friends, family, or professionals can help you navigate tough times. Resilience doesn’t mean you handle everything alone, it’s about knowing when to reach out for support and relying on others for encouragement and guidance.
Focus on What You Can Control
When faced with difficult situations, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by everything that’s out of your control. Resilient individuals focus their energy on what they can change. By identifying and acting on the things you can control, you’ll feel more empowered and less helpless, even in the most stressful times.
Harness Emotions into Empowered Action
As we experience a range of difficult emotions during challenging periods, it can be transformative to participate in “emotional alchemy”. This means working to harness your emotions into empowering action by focusing on what you can do to bring about positive change, much like turning base metals into something valuable, you’re using your emotions to intentionally take action towards positive and valuable change.
Take Care of Your Physical Health
Your physical well-being directly impacts your emotional resilience. When you’re tired, run down, or unhealthy, it’s harder to manage stress and emotions effectively. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and relaxation techniques help you maintain the physical energy necessary to cope with life’s challenges.
Practice Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation involves recognizing and managing your emotions in healthy ways. Notice what you’re feeling at any given moment and ask yourself what you need before proceeding. A break? More time to reflect? A good cry on your own? A vent session with friends? Some additional practices you might find helpful include mindfulness practices, deep breathing, or journaling. By learning to process and express your emotions constructively, you can prevent them from becoming overwhelming and maintain a sense of balance.
Building emotional resilience is a journey, not a destination. It’s about developing and refining these tools over time and gradually improving your mindset to navigate life’s challenges. By practicing self-compassion, fostering a growth-oriented perspective, building a support network, and taking care of your physical and emotional health, you can increase your emotional capacity and become more resilient to the tough times.
Click here to schedule with a Texas counselor specialized in emotional regulation and resilience.
How to bounce back from hard times
1.) Emotional “Triage” during hard times
Sometimes, through a series of life events or our own personal choices, we find that we get a little too close to the edge of the cliff and we fall hard to rock bottom. The culture will tell you “Get right back up! Climb the mountain and don’t ‘wallow’ or ‘dwell’ on the past and the difficult thing that just happened to you.
We’ve all heard these lines before and as people who have personally fallen off the cliff many many times… and of course, as therapists, we’re here to say, “Sorry mom & dad, but that’s not how that works.”
Fact: Telling yourself to ignore the pain and get moving or push yourself too hard to re-enter a situation too fast, is only going to make it worse. Just like your body has a built-in process to digest food and water, your brain has its own built-in processes for digesting emotions too.
The first of which is that it needs to experience and express the emotional pain it just went through in order to properly “digest” it before moving forward. If you ignore this process, you will find yourself making a series of inefficient decisions, mostly operating on your “best guess” for what’s good for you, and then later your brain will circle right back around to the emotional pain which is still there, unprocessed.
Fact: Your brain will work much more efficiently and accurately when it comes to making decisions, deciding how to behave, determining what you want, etc. IF you follow its natural processes and give it the time and space it needs to reset after a hurtful or overwhelming situation.
2.) Self-Care during a difficult time
…Noticing a pattern in this article? Taking care of yourself properly is the root of EVERYTHING. Everyone is different - we have different interests, emotional needs, levels of resiliency, etc. So learn about yourself and what makes you feel nurtured, loved, and happy, and then get really good at doing those things.
3.) Ways to stay positive during hard times
We really don’t want to force our brains to be too positive or too negative, because that creates a bias, and you will ultimately develop skewed views & perspectives of yourself and the world.
However, when overloaded with too much negative news or experiences, it is very easy to fall into a dark hole of despair, hopelessness, or paralysis. Therefore, it is important to be mindful of your self-care, gratitude practices, and the narratives you are telling yourself about the world.
The goal isn’t exactly to stay positive during hard times, but rather keep things within a balanced perspective. You do this by letting yourself feel your authentic feelings (especially the painful ones) and also finding balance by practicing gratitude for the things you already have in your life.
Bottom line, be aware of what’s really happening even if it’s painful and also stay present with what is going well in your life – both need to be equally balanced and not dismissed.
The Mind Parlor's Guide to Reducing Emotional Sensitivity
So there you have it! A playful, practical roadmap to help you build your emotional resilience, stop being so sensitive, and bounce back when things get a little too intense.
Remember, it's all about treating yourself kindly, challenging those over-the-top thoughts, and giving your emotions the time they need to reset. Embrace your journey with a wink and a smile, knowing that every step you take adds another layer of protection to your amazing, unique self. Stay resilient, stay true, and keep shining!
Need a little extra emotional “bubble wrap”? If you’re in Texas, drop us a line and our specialized counselors in this area will help you bounce back from whatever life throws your way! Here's to a more resilient you!
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