A Guide for Texans Seeking a Healthy Spiritual Balance
Edited By: Brittany Stilwell, MS LPC
Religion can affect many aspects of our lives - our values, our relationships, our purpose or meaning, even the view we have of ourselves within the world.
In this article, we will break down what religious trauma is, how you heal from it, and most importantly, how do you find balance between your religion, values, beliefs, and your healthy growing self!
In This Article:
For some of us, the relationship with religion was beautiful and nurturing. But for others, especially those of us who have experienced religious trauma, it can be a part of our story which is deeply painful & hard to shake.
You may not realize that you have “religious trauma” exactly. You may just notice discomfort, confusion, or conflict inside yourself or with your religious social group. Initially, some people simply begin to realize that the things that make them happy now or the life they secretly dream of having, directly oppose what they were taught in church or their religious community.
It’s okay to feel lost, angry, or confused as you work through what religion and spirituality mean to you now. It can feel like a bit of an identity crisis, to be honest, and the thought of deconstructing everything you’ve ever believed in can be scary.
But here’s the thing: You can have both. You can find balance and you can heal. And not only that, you can become a stronger, more authentic, and more connected version of yourself. You don’t have to let go of everything you’ve ever believed in.
You can keep your most treasured parts of your religious background and mold them with the happy and healthy version of yourself who you’re becoming!
So, how do you start? Let’s talk about what healing from religious trauma can look like and how you can begin to find peace and clarity, no matter where you are on your journey.
What Exactly is Religious Trauma?
Let’s break it down. Religious trauma isn’t just about having “bad” experiences with a church or religious group – in some cases, the experiences may have felt very positive or meaningful at the time. However, what makes these experiences “traumatic” is the ongoing & lasting emotional, mental, and spiritual distress that those experiences created.
In other words… the real issue is the lasting impact -- when those experiences leave you feeling emotionally drained, mentally conflicted, or spiritually unsettled long after they happened.
Any combination of experiences which were stressful, shaming, humiliating, isolating, abusive, or demeaning religious can result in religious trauma. As mental health professionals, we consider it an unhealthy religious environment when the physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and/or spiritual well-being of an individual is harmed or threatened.
Think of it this way: if your time in a religious environment left you feeling stressed, ashamed, isolated, or hurt—and those feelings are still messing with your peace of mind—that’s what we’d call religious trauma.
It’s not about blaming anyone’s faith or beliefs; it’s about recognizing the harm that can happen when a religious space (or its people) crosses the line and uses those beliefs to repeatedly shame you or harm your well-being. Even if it was unintentional…
Bottom line? If it still hurts, it matters, and it’s worth talking about.
What Are Some Examples of Toxic Religious Behavior?
Toxic religious behavior can look different for everyone, but here are some clinical definitions and common ways in which they may show up:
Spiritual Abuse: When authority figures in a religious setting manipulate, control, or mistreat you in the name of faith.
Example 1: A leader says, “You don’t need to question what we teach. Just trust me, it’s God’s will.”
Example 2: You’re told that “if you leave the group, you're turning your back on God, and your life will fall apart because of it.”
Spiritual Bypassing: When people use spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid taking accountability for or dealing with real-life problems, trauma, emotions, or personal struggles. In other words, using spirituality as an excuse to avoid the hard emotional work that’s actually needed for healing or growth.
Example 1: A member of the group ignores your mental health struggles by saying, “You just need to pray harder, your faith will fix everything!”
Example 2: Someone tells you, “Just forgive and forget—it’s all part of God's plan,” without giving space for you to process hurt or trauma.
Shame and Guilt: Feeling like you're never enough, constantly fearing judgment, or carrying the weight of guilt over things that shouldn’t even be a burden.
Example 1: A leader says, “You’re not a true believer unless you give your time and money to the church.”
Example 2: You’re constantly told that you as a person are deeply and irrevocably flawed or bad, and/or any mistakes you’ve made are unforgivable, making you feel like you’ll never be good enough.
Example 3: Certain natural & human feelings, such as lust, envy, desire, anger, depression, sexual attraction, etc. make you a “sinner”, a bad person, or will lead to you hell.
Isolation or Rejection: Maybe you were made to feel like an outsider for questioning things, or maybe you were shunned or excluded from a community because of your sexuality, gender expression, or lifestyle outside of societal norms.
Example 1: If you question the church’s teachings, you're looked at with judgement or suddenly treated like an outsider and no one will speak to you.
Example 2: A LGBTQ+ individual is told, “We love you, but we can’t accept you until you change” and is excluded from church events, denied support, and/or encouraged to attend “therapies” (like conversion therapy) or events meant to change your sexual orientation, gender, etc.
Rigid Rules: Living under the pressure of a rigid belief system that didn’t leave room for questioning, growth, or personal expression.
Example 1: A person is told that if they have sex before marriage, they're breaking God's law and will be condemned, making them feel deeply guilty or ashamed about their natural desires.
Note: it’s not this belief as a whole that is necessarily problematic, it’s the fact that people are told there are inherently “bad” for having the desire and that they can never recover in God’s eyes if they make a mistake in this area. There are ways to practice this belief of abstinence in healthy and affirming ways to the individuals who choose this practice.
Example 2: A church enforces strict gender roles, telling people that men and women have to behave in specific ways (e.g., women should only serve their husbands, men should always be the breadwinners), and anyone who steps outside those expectations is criticized or excluded.
Fear of Damnation: The constant fear that you’ve done something “wrong” and will face eternal punishment for it.
Example 1: A sermon says, “If you don’t repent right now, you’ll burn in hell for eternity.”
Example 2: Someone warns you, “If you don’t follow these specific religious rules, you’re risking your salvation and eternal punishment.”
These behaviors create a toxic environment where personal growth, healing, and acceptance are often suppressed in favor of fear, control, and rigid expectations.
These experiences can have a deep impact on your sense of self, your identity, and your relationships with others. But just because you’ve experienced religious trauma doesn’t mean you’re doomed to live with it forever.
"Ensuring that LGBTQIA+ Texans have access to affirming spaces is more important than ever. At The Mind Parlor, we can connect you to local resources, including affirming churches & religious organizations, in addition to providing you direct access to our unconditionally affirming space that we created for you."
How Do You Know If You’re Experiencing Religious Trauma?
Recognizing that you’ve been affected by religious trauma can be challenging, especially when religion has been tied to your upbringing and identity for so long.
If any of these feelings sound familiar, you may be dealing with some kind of spiritual hurt:
Constant Self-Doubt: You may feel unsure about who you are or what you believe. The faith that once shaped your identity might now feel like a confusing maze, and you could be second-guessing your worth and place in the world.
Feeling “Not Good Enough”: Perhaps you were taught that perfection was expected of you in your religious community—never questioning, never failing. If you struggle with chronic feelings of inadequacy, or if you always feel like you're falling short, this could be a result of religious trauma.
Avoidance of Religious Spaces: You may experience anger, resentment, or anxiety around religious practices, gatherings, or places. Being in these spaces might trigger painful memories, feelings of shame, or even panic, making it hard to feel at peace in those environments.
Hyper-Vigilance: You might constantly worry about how people are viewing you or making mistakes & doing something "wrong," in everyday life. This hyper-awareness may have been ingrained during your religious upbringing and could stem from the pressure of fearing damnation, punishment, or judgement of others in the religious circle.
Difficulty Trusting Authority: If you’ve experienced spiritual abuse or manipulation, it can be difficult to trust spiritual or religious leaders in the future. This mistrust may extend to other forms of authority as well, as your sense of security was once shattered by those you were taught to trust.
Loss of Spiritual Connection: If you once had a deep spiritual or religious connection but now feel disconnected or disillusioned, this sense of loss can be deeply painful. It might feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, leaving you questioning if you’ll ever feel that connection again.
Feelings of Isolation: If you were alienated from your community for not adhering to certain beliefs or practices, you might feel like an outsider in both religious spaces and society at large. This can be especially hard if you feel like no one understands your identity, journey, or the trauma you've experienced.
Anger or Resentment Towards Religion: Sometimes, healing involves feeling angry or resentful about the harm that religion has caused you. These emotions can come from a sense of betrayal, especially if the religion you trusted to bring peace ended up creating pain.
Confusion About Your Beliefs: If you’ve been deconstructing your faith or beliefs, it’s common to feel a lot of confusion. You might be wondering: What do I really believe now? What parts of my former faith are still relevant to me? This sense of uncertainty can feel overwhelming, but it’s also a sign that you're questioning in order to find what’s true for you.
If any of these symptoms resonate with you, it’s important to acknowledge them with compassion.
They are valid signs that something hurtful has happened, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship you once had with religion or spirituality. Healing begins with recognizing the trauma, and from there, you can begin to rebuild and restore your emotional and spiritual well-being to something better suited for you now.
How to Heal from Religious Trauma
Healing from religious trauma is not a linear process, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. It’s a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and oftentimes professional support.
Here are a few key elements to consider as you navigate your healing path:
Acknowledge the Pain: Before healing can begin, it's crucial to validate your feelings and acknowledge the hurt. This may mean sitting with difficult emotions like anger, grief, shame, and confusion. It's okay to feel upset or betrayed by your past experiences, and your brain and body need to healthily feel and express them in order to move forward.
Find the Language: Finding the words and language to describe what you have been going through can be transformative, validating, and can also help keep you safe from future abuse. This will include learning and applying language mentioned above like spiritual bypassing, toxic positivity, and moral superiority.
Reclaim Your Voice: Religious toxicity often involves silencing or suppressing your true self. Healing involves reclaiming your voice and asserting your autonomy. This might mean setting boundaries with people or places that are still harmful, or it could involve allowing yourself to speak openly about your experience with others who understand and support your journey.
Redefine Your Spirituality: One of the most empowering aspects of healing from religious trauma is the chance to redefine what spirituality means to you. This doesn’t necessarily mean returning to or rejecting the religion that hurt you, but rather it means finding a new spiritual practice that aligns with your true values, balances the old and new versions of you, and gives you an authentic sense of peace.
Seek Support: Healing from religious trauma can be very complex and is not something which is always helpful to do alone. You can be much more efficient, effective, and safe if you choose to process these ideas with a licensed professional counselor who (this is the important part!) specializes in religious trauma recovery.
Finding support groups and religious organizations who don’t try to change you and who understand and support your journey can be incredibly healing as well. Having a safe space to process your feelings and experiences within your own inner social circle is invaluable.
At The Mind Parlor, we have therapists who specifically specialize in religious trauma therapy for Texans. And, as is very well known, all counselors on staff are gender affirming and thoroughly vetted & trained to work with the LGBTQIA+, Kink/BDSM, & Polyamorous Communities – making religious trauma therapy at The Mind Parlor an excellent fit for these specific individuals who have had tricky religious experiences in the past.
We understand the complexities of faith and the impact of spiritual abuse, as well as the substantial effect it has had on LGBTQ individuals in Texas. We can help you navigate your journey with compassion and trusted expertise.
Establish Healthy Boundaries: Establishing boundaries—whether emotional, mental, or physical—is a crucial part of healing. If certain people or religious institutions continue to cause harm, it’s important to set boundaries to protect your emotional health from further damage. Learning to say "no" or distancing yourself from toxic relationships is an act of self-care.
Rediscover Self-Compassion: Religious trauma often leaves us feeling like we are unworthy of love or acceptance, but part of healing is learning to treat ourselves with kindness and respect. Cultivating self-compassion and forgiving yourself for the things you were made to feel guilty about is essential in reclaiming your sense of peace.
Explore Personal Growth: Healing from religious trauma doesn’t just mean surviving—it means thriving. As you work through the trauma, you’ll likely discover new strengths, passions, and interests. This is an opportunity to explore your authentic self without the constraints of rigid beliefs or harmful doctrines.
Give Yourself Time: There’s no rush to “fix” things or to get to a place where everything feels perfect. Healing is an ongoing process. Allow yourself the grace to grow at your own pace, knowing that each step forward is a victory.
Click the button below to contact a Religious Trauma specialist in Texas.
Specialized Religious Trauma Therapy for Texans
At The Mind Parlor, we understand the unique challenges people in Texas face when it comes to religion. Our approach combines clinical expertise with personal experience being a Texan in a highly religious culture.
Using these key factors, we feel confident that we can support our fellow Texans in finding spiritual balance and recovering from trauma. Specialized Training: Our therapists have thorough experience in religious trauma, cultural identity issues, and spiritual abuse. Especially as it pertains to Texans, those who were raised in the south, and LGBTQIA+ individuals.
Safe, Affirming Space: We provide a private and safe environment where you can process your pain without judgment or pressure to conform.
Collaborative Care: Your healing is a team effort. We don’t just work with you in the therapy room—we collaborate with your entire care team, including doctors, religious officials (if requested), psychiatrists, and other providers, to ensure you receive the most comprehensive, holistic care possible.
Personalized Approach: Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. We’ll tailor our methods to meet your specific needs and goals and to help balance all aspects of your personal culture & identity.
Moving Forward: Finding Peace and Reconnection
At the end of the day, healing from religious trauma is about finding peace with your past, clarity about your present, and a sense of hope for your future. It’s about reconnecting with your true self, free from shame, guilt, or the pressure of others’ expectations. It’s about embracing your unique journey—one that may no longer follow the path you were once told to take, but one that is just as valid and meaningful.
Remember: You don’t have to stay stuck in the pain of your past. The road to healing may not always be easy, but it is possible. And as you move forward, you can create a new, more authentic connection to spirituality, to others, and to yourself—one that nourishes, strengthens, and empowers you.
No matter where you are on your journey, know that healing is a process, and you deserve it. Take it one step at a time, and trust that, in time, you will find peace, restoration, and a sense of wholeness once again.
Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
You don’t have to carry the weight of religious trauma alone. Therapy can help you process your pain, rediscover your voice, and create a new, authentic relationship with spirituality.
At The Mind Parlor, we’ll meet you where you are and help you take the next step toward healing. Let’s work together to rebuild your sense of peace, purpose, and connection.
FAQs About Religious Trauma Therapy
What Is Religious Trauma Therapy?
Religious trauma therapy helps individuals process the emotional, mental, and spiritual harm caused by harmful religious experiences. It’s about reclaiming your sense of self and rebuilding a healthy relationship with spirituality. You can find balance with both your old and new belief systems.
Can Therapy Help Me Reconnect with Spirituality?
Yes! Therapy can help you explore what spirituality means to you now and create practices that align with your current values.
Is It Normal to Feel Angry About Religion?
Absolutely. Anger and resentment are valid responses to harm or betrayal and can be an important part of the healing process. As uncomfortable as they may be, these specific feelings are crucial to you taking action and finding something healthier for yourself.
How Long Does Healing Take?
Healing is unique for everyone. Some may find relief after a few sessions, while others benefit from ongoing support as their unique journey continues to evolve.
Do You Offer Virtual Sessions?
Yes, we provide virtual therapy for clients across Texas, so you can access support wherever you feel most comfortable. If you are in Dallas or the DFW area, in-person sessions are available as well.
Book My Religious Trauma Recovery Appointment
Don’t continue to suffer with shame, confusion, or isolation. Reach out to The Mind Parlor and begin your journey toward healing and building an authentic life which brings you peace.